Shall We Call This A Lesson Learned?

     I am just a walking zombie. If I weren't such a baby I would already be gone. My make up, a mask. Clothes, a curtain. No one knows me. Real or fake, I'm an oddity that isn't relavent enough to notice. Awkward and psychotic. A cinic, I don't believe in good or bad, no right or wrong. Everything just is.
     Then why depression? Why anger? Sadness? Happiness? Illusions. Lies to keep us sane. Acceptable only because we like, as a people, to be happy. We like those cruel, giddy butterflies of love, even when they turn into poisionous scorpions in the end. Romantic, I know.
     What made me like this? What happens to people who think that the world is good. That there is love and happiness for everyone. What makes that go bad? What changed me? Love? Perhaps.. there was once someone in my life who told me that love was the source of all evil. I completely disregarded that, and said that the great John Lenin had it right "All you need is love". Not true. Love has a funny way of stabbing you in the back. Of making you feel pain that you didn't know you could feel. Love opens your heart and throws daggers at it until there is nothing left but a big, bloody hole. Maybe that guy was right... maybe love isn't such a great thing afer all. I can't think of one situation where love made me happy, and didn't make me cry in the end.
     No one knows how fragile girls are. We hurt, we feel, we hear what you say, and we never forget it. I will forever know that I am a psychotic, ignorant, stupid, selfish, ugly, silly girl (insert most creative colorful language here) who was the equivalent of the devil. That is what I will always think of when I think of that. Always. That I am not good enough for anyone.
     When will I learn, no one loves me. So, I should stop falling in love. Lesson learned
-Mate

Just Call Me A Liar

     Let me unleash. My writing, is my writing. You are choosing to read it. If you are choosing to get offended, that is not my problem. It's a choice. You chose to believe those lies, don't blame me when you get hurt. I didn't even do anything to you.
    Sometimes, I may forget that you know me WAY better than I really know myself. I forget that I wasnt the one there, living my life, that was you. You were there and that is why you "know" the truth, and what I have to say is completely invalid. Sorry, sometimes I forget things like that. That is probably what makes me the equivalent to the devil.... yes. That does make sense. And yes, I did just make up this huge devistating lie that would change everything forever just to make you like me again... How are you just so good at this? And yes, every single thing I do or say in my life is definately a reflection of you. I am just so obsessed with you, that you dictate my every motion. I just turned left at the green light. It's becuase you turned left once, it really is the only reason. I do evny, and truly love to be compared to the one that you lied about to me. The one that made you so paranoid in the first place. If only I was her... then I could be everything you wanted.
     Oh, wait. That isn't true. But... I am a liar. So you must be right. You must be confused... let me set you straight. I do not love you. I am not obsessed with you, I have never lied to you, and you are a fool for thinking that I would spend even a second of my day planning revenge (that is so dear to you) or a plot to trick you into falling in love with me. Don't flatter yourself. You are kind of disgusting. I would never stoop that low. So... I think that I have vented enough. I hope this clears things up for any one who thinks i am psychotic. Because this is OBVIOUS proof that I am.
You are right. Again You win.
-Mate
(ohhhhhhhhh curve ball!)